Sunday, June 29, 2014

Gurgaon - all that was loved and lived

Gurgaon - Faridabad Road - that set the pace for all loved and lived! - Herculean click, 2013.

Gurgaon - this had been long coming and quite inevitable in a way. The sojourn of the many curves and angles. A kaleidoscope in all phases of life.

Interestingly, a hinterland of experience, self- awareness and growth - Gurgaon, with it's many dark shades, could only serve to brighten.

Maybe, retrospection suffuse shades of Konkona Sen Sharma - in her new girl Mumbai avatar scripted for Wake Up Sid!. Mine is more of silent wonderment, at a chapter of life closed (is it?!) and cherished with care.

Gurgaon, saw the metamorphosis of reason - as the eyes, that grew older, became wiser too. Trespassing the cobwebs of security,the 'bad' image of Gurgaon had it's own inherent thrill. Journeying on the 'word / world of love' , the lane next to office for the non-car-owner, seemed at once a home and a dumping ground. Spending days seldom in the own 4 walls, the early days had been spent in the happy threesome of the man then and his best man. As all love stories unfold, the best man turned more empathetic and more brotherly while own man extremely other-ly. Days spent in explorations, wild liquor and wild sex - ideal mix for anyone right ? Maybe!

As travels picked up and the cross country hopping became a weekly way of life, distance soon created resonance with the idea of incompatibility.

The faces closer to home, seemed more 'official' and 'impersonal' as the era of work-life balance became swayed. The team-mates, chirpy - the supervisors, mentor-like, life seemed to be ambling through an upwards curve-ball- where patience had no space or luxury of virtue.

A certain 'celebration' of mind and self too, at the gym, led to a deeper love for oneself- when maybe most time, was spent in music and soaking in the steam. It was just as it should be- 24-25 with an euphoric upswing.

Eureka! The bubble did burst. And thankfully, it did, with the appalling idea of having lived in a bubble for so long.

It came with the vow to be unmoved- the determined and rigid mental declaration of shirking the bond that was seemingly just a bondage and a handicap. Marriage - quite a far-away thought, it was the utter bewilderment of the conned selection and the empty life of togetherness. Coupled with that - the 'forced physicality of times' derided the relationship off it's own essence and led to sourness. Bickerings, quickened pace of space- as each sought screens to live singularly and simply.

The pull of individuality and the push from the an amiss concurrence, led to the line of division. Looking back - the best decision ever - to nip at the bud, of a thorn that would be more than prickly.

Thereupon, the hazy life of craziness - cars and drives with many faces known and unknown. The thrill of Gurgaon had just begun. Chasing against own shadow,  it became quite an addictive way of life - to willfully lose oneself to the flow of time.

As music refreshed memories, and EDM became a way of life, 'spirited' headbanging became a norm - I came across the treasure- which I had never looked for.

It had been a known territory - from way long- only then, did it begin to feel mine. The first hand clasp, proved it true. A strange shock of senses led to the deepened gravity - of marked awareness, possession and pride. Love at the first "hi?!" :)

Since then, another phase - a roller-coaster- of emotions, colors and vows.  Broken, shattered, made and re-made. The surreal conflict of walking away and hanging on - of being / acting older or of my own age.

To the soft brown eyes, I had looked up - to find completion and my own identity. Into the deep eyes, I had looked - to see the man who had remained a boy inside - yet had always donned on roles with masks to hide the face, that seemed to reach out to me from deep within.

Primate senses or the primal emotion tugs - I'd always wished to give that boy everything he'd been denied - or letting him be free - from inside. Ever afar, I may stand - to give and never take - of time, space and all their valued essence. Still today, the beacon of selflessness- acts a directive principle of my life.

Had I grown up suddenly? I had wondered, as I never did hunger from my kind of time. Which made me wonder, how much did I wander then- in my own 'placebo effect' of what my time should be like.

Soon, then, definitions and perspectives became stronger - as I became a Nihilist almost, guarding his territory dominance. Not easy,but never uneasy!

As the moorings raged on - of storms, thunder, tears, pain, additions and subtractions, the faith proved too strong as friendship chose to be immortal.

Shrugging off negativities and all negatives hurled against him- which curiously were from his own (!!!!- quite amusingly so!!!! ) - the 2 pair of eyes, wizened- almost with compound interest as the sum total became an infinite quantum.

Yet, as the downhill journey now began - the troughs became steeper. Monotony of 10-6, became hazardous, with the same faces and same names to conquer everyday. Words curled and shouts lurched at - became a way of life. Numbness struck - as one chose silence, and others war of infamous words. Words are black magic too - they steel you , better you and make you feel the coarseness of hatred too.

Maybe the effect of words is inversely proportional to action points and expectations. More others scream, more inactive and unresponsive becomes the brain. Mute of the mutant - mutiny was a passive one!

The brother too sided by at the right time. A wall, both functioned cohesively, as all parts of the dreamer, suddenly synchronized. Lament, neither had brevity, nor could be brave. It was an escape and yet, a coincidence.

Resigned to the Jatt mentality and the snobbishness, the ultimate escape was to sunny land - and for the other a breezy elevation.

Distance, still serves completion - the holy grail of a single unit as two souls became fused, Dreams spun and weaved in somnolence, trigger a solace at the much loved vox heard over changed numbers.

Gurgaon - never can die. It may live and be a chapter re-visited often - when flying too high or when too low.

And all the while, we spotted clouds, moon and stars along the Gurgaon - Faridabad road - we'd known peace that for aspirants remains only a piece of their gory imagination. May cover pictures, suffice for them! Or, maybe emulating steps to places already visited and album memoirs, with their 'new' significant others - to perhaps claim some more of the place tags!

Sunday, June 1, 2014


Dear QMS Kolkata,

Applause be given to the meritorious excellence displayed time and again by the Board results. Doubtless, the school remains aspirational - in terms of duty and discipline.

Astoundingly, it fails to be inspirational- where specially and specifically, the finer qualities of life are considered. More than an educational harbinger (of change??), it appears heartless and extremely commercialized in approach - mainly to it's own. It finds it easy therefore, to lay aside the many dreams of one of it's brightest pupils - with the cold words minced boldly - "Too bad! Please don't apply again!". Her fault - scoring just a few marks shy of 90% and therefore not being re-admitted to her own Alma Mater (which actually should be an automatic process!!!).

I wonder, then, what does education presuppose - if not the self-actualization of a human being from the basics & roots? What are schools today then- just a money minting machine of the powerful few ? How inconsiderate can it be to the dreams of a beautiful 16 year old girl ?

"Kind" regards,
Averee !