Averee’s post on
“Man” is very intriguing since most of what she says, applies irrespective of
gender – or so I think. But for now let
us stick to the Martians, and discuss the conflicts of our friends from Venus
later.
I was more
enthralled by the former part of her post –
when men decide what they want / should do. In fact, as I get acquainted with most, I steadily feel that more men are geared to choosing what they should do / ought to do than choose to do what they want to. Is it the dogmatic society driving actions?
one must stand for
what one wants….
The confusion is
very REAL – do I do what is “expected” or should I do what I want? Question
asked time and again. Krishna told Arjun – Do what is right, and not what you want,
and both were considered to be men enough….. surely the best in their times……….or
as the Hindu Mythology / religion bestowed
the title “Purushottam” – The Best Man, on someone who essentially (at least in
the Hindu context) defined that doing what is expected or correct defines manhood
more than what one wants… at times even taking the wrath of his beloveds.
Now I know that
Averee’s post was not to say that manhood essentially would mean doing only
what one wants because then morality or lack of it will cause more chaos than
order. Imagine everyone literally doing what they want. Thus if we were to
concur that in the end “doing what is right” is more important or required,
then the questions arises that who knows what “right” is?
Does the world
know better than you OR are you better equipped to know what is right? Making
it more interesting is the fact that “right” or wrong itself is based on a
frame of reference which is essentially sociological – and to quote Averee
essentially dogmatic .
But keeping gender
and religion aside, should we really do what we want?
Philosophically I
guess everyone does – it is just that we are “afraid” or “ashamed” at times to
admit it. In any case that brilliant post from Averee and a few other
concurrent incidents, thoughts and conversations led me to think on what
actually does one want? And for the purposes of this discussion the question is
more metaphysical and not about “Should I take that extra scoop?”
Mel Gibson tried
to tell us what women want and Averee alluded to the not so fair sex…
My conundrum is on
this repetitive phase of realization (sometimes self realization and sometimes
forced) where we assess, reassess and repeat the oft asked question
“What do I want?”
Not only does
every person differ on the response, but also I believe that an individual
responds differently in different phases of life. As a school going kid, I had
“kidish dreams” to be a bus conductor, a Spiderman, a spy, a time traveler, one
of the Hardy Boys. It shows my lack of creativity and desire to be someone I
could not ( I mean “cool” – I could have always become a Spiderman had it not
been for lack of radioactive spiders in our school labs).
As years passed
and I developed a delusion of I know better, my wishes (now called goals) became
more about careers, colleges, jobs, bikes,
girls, (in the reverse order of importance and correct order of likelihood)
. Then came the phase of “ambitions” about promotions, stability, roles, money
etc.
Now as I approach
what people refer to as “Mid life” based on average human expectancy, I am
allowed – rather expected – to have a
“crisis” returning to the same question
“What do I want?” with answers more about deep rooted wishes, bucket lists,
purpose of life etc.(side note - This is
no attempt to show how I am progressing on the Maslow’s need hierarchy !!)
Now onto
my midlife “crisis”. A few days back, I mentioned to a certain someone
“who-must not-be-named” how I was seriously thinking about writing – either
publishing something over a period of time, or a play or even a movie. And lo
behold, I got a smirk, and an animated discussion about how this is my midlife
crisis. But as I mentioned somewhere on this
blog
“But write I should
And write I shall
For I got to hear
What I think !!! “
What got me
thinking was how if something does not fit in the norms, it is considered to be
a crisis. I am surely not the first and definitely not the last who will be
scorned for his or her midlife crisis. The
question that begs to be answered is that that is it a Midlife Crisis or
actually a Midcourse correction – something needed to ensure that all is not
lost in running aimlessly !!!
And signing off
with few of my favorite lines (which someone will say are mid life “crisis” of
Sant Kabir”
Bada bhaya to kya bhaya
Jaise Ped Khajoor?
Panthi ko chaya nahi
Phal laage ati door……
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